Grandma Duty - Days 2 & 3

Continuing the journal entries from my Mom, while she tended the kids for two weeks. Day 1 can be found here. 

Sun. Aug. 24, 1986 

It was stake conference today & Nan sang with the primary chorus so we had to go early, but the morning went surprisingly smoothly.  Nollie went to Jr. Primary, & I had Rikker & Bekka during conference. They sat so quietly & still for the whole time until meeting started . Then they got playing a bit, but they still were good. Little Bekka fell asleep during the last half, since she wasn't feeling very well, so I could hold Rikker & enjoy the speakers. They were all very good, but especially Brother Scott, from home - 14th Ward - the visiting general authority.  

We got through lunch OK, but with Bekka's little nap she didn't want another, the kids were a bit hyper, & it was a hectic afternoon. We got dinner OK, but I didn't even get dishes done. The girls were so worked up at bedtime (because they were starting school the next day) it took an hour after they were in bed to get settled down, after so carefully planning & getting ready so well, but I guess the first day of school did it. Wrote a letter to Ray in bed. 


Mon. Aug. 25

Go up & ready first, & got the girls up at 7:00. They did a good job getting ready, & we all walked over for their first day of school - Nollie in first grade & Nan in third. They both got to their classes OK - Lori had planned well. My arm was about dead by the time we got home, but the little ones were so good. Had to take an unexpected trip to Ontario to return my plane ticket, since the news last night announced that Frontier Airlines closed down. I was afraid we'd lost the money Lori paid, as I knew we'd never get it back from Frontier, but fortunately, the travel agency hadn't turned it in yet so we could get a refund from them, & I got a new ticket - not as good a schedule & more money, but at least they should be still flying. We got groceries after, & by then it was lunch time. Bekka still fussed more than usual, but seemed to feel better than Sat. & Sun.

Rikker & I played in the afternoon till the girls came home & told us about their day at school - I taped it for Lori. Then Nollie had to go for her physical exam, so we met the doctor taking John's place - very nice. Nollie did fine except for the shot, & we had to hold her down for that. Bekka was still asleep when we got back, & after dinner Nollie lay on her bed & fell asleep before getting chores done. So bedtime went more smoothly, but we forgot about family night (Aha...I call it Family Night instead of Family Home Evening because that's what my Mom called it). 

Bekka, after such a late nap, wasn't near ready, so she ran around after the others were asleep - what a hoo she is. The way she carries on a conversation & gets me to do what she wants just cracks me up. She is such a riot, & it kills me to have to be firm w/ her shen she doesnt want to do what she need so, but I"m getting better at it,  she doesn't cry long. By the time she settled down tonight I was ready to drop, after having gotten up w/ her so many times last night, & having her spend the last few hours w/ me. So I flopped on the couch to watch the news, & before it was over, Nollie was up. But she went back to bed when I did & then spent the rest of the night in bed with me.

That You Might Know - Grandma Duty

Sometimes life is so fast and furious that you can barely catch your breath, let alone document what's happened. The past year has felt like that. So much to record, most of it good, with hundreds of photos to edit as a result. I struggle to start, fearing the words will be wrong and intimidated by the whole process of trying to capture feelings of the heart.  Inertia has always been a challenge, yet I know that this is the way I'm supposed to share the bits and pieces of what I've experienced and what I remember of those who are no longer here. 

As so often happens, the answer came while studying the scriptures. Reading in the Book of Mormon, I came across these words of Jacob,

"...we can write a few words upon plates, which will give our children, and also our beloved brethren, a small degree of knowledge concerning us, or concerning their fathers--Now in this thing we do rejoice; and we labor diligently to engraven these words upon plates, hoping that our beloved brethren and our children will receive them with thankful hearts, and look upon them that they may learn with joy...concerning their first parents." (Jacob 4:2-3) 

To get me started writing again, I'll transcribe the words of my mom, that my children might come to know her. Only four of the six even met her in this life, as she died at the young age of 49. I haven't read these, either, so it'll be new to all of us. 

Of her dozen journals, I'll start with the last, when she came to tend while John and I hiked around Mt. Hood on a Sierra Club trip. Maybe it will trigger memories in the older kids, but it will certainly show how much she loved them all. 

DeeAnn Rich Schreiter Cole Nickle - Sept. 1985

Fri. Aug, 22, 1986 - Summary by me. Newly married in September 1985, she and Ray had moved to Missouri in July. He retired and she quit after 19 years with a law firm. They came back to SLC to pick up the rest of their things & attend a Rich family reunion at Bear Lake. I took the four kids and we had fun staying with Mom, G&G Rich, Kathy, Elaine & her kids, Kent and one of his kids. Ray suggested she stay and tend during our hike, so she came home with us for three weeks. I remember how grateful I was to have her with the kids instead of various sitters. We did projects (sound familiar girls?) and prepared the first week. Here's an excerpt: 

Really glad I could ride home w/them & help Lori drive & take care of kids. They're good, but an extra body surely helps. We stopped for dinner at Burley, got home after 10:30 p.m. Nan, Nollie & Rikker hadn't slept so konked right out, but little Bekka - also no sleep - ran around trying to take it all in & playing w/ everything - just so excited to be home. So I've been staying w/ them for a week before they leave, & we've surely had plenty to do. I tried to learn the routines on Monday, with all their charts to keep track of chores, & all the things they have to do. Tended them on Tues, while Lori worked, & ever since, there's been plenty to do to keep busy, mainly getting Nan & Nollie ready for school & Lori ready to leave.  

Sat. Aug, 23, 1986 

John had to go to the hospital to see his patient, so Lori had time to pay bills & do more last-minute things. He came back & finished, & they got off after 10:00 (aimed at 8:00 but had time to get to Portland area for Mt. Hood hike). 

Poor Nollie had a tough time seeing them go, so I was a little lenient about watching TV before her work was done, after sitting & loving her a while. Rikker was sad too, but had been allowed to paint and color again after they left (banned for 2 weeks) so got over it. Nan was at a practice by then, but that cute little Bekka was so good with Nollie. I was sitting on the porch holding Nollie as she cried, as I have so often lately sat there with Bekka, and Bekka came up and gave Nollie big loves, said "crying," "matter?" & kissed & hugged her to make her feel better. 

She's such a smart little thing at 18 months, talks like a 3-yr-old, and knows exactly what's going on. We were in the garage Fri, trying to squeeze half a beef into already full freezers, & Bekka, who has me wrapped around her little finger, got in her little "wago(n)" & kept calling "Grandma". As I said what, she said "pull it", when I picked up the handle she said "walk". So I went just to their other driveway, to turn around, & she said, "no - st(r)eet." 

She says so many thing, so amazingly clearly, that it'd be easier to list the things she doesn't say, but some of her favorite things are "go 'way, mine, dump it, walk, outside, blanket." Well she carries on a conversation just like an adult, but with 2 or 3 words only - I shut it (and does), I get it, etc.  She understands everything, knows all about hands, feet, arms, legs, ears, eyes, etc, & now says Grandpa as well as Grandma (in June it was A-Dee) also water (not wa-wa) & all the kids names - Rikker, Nanny, Nollie, John, their friend (calls him Johnny usually), Lisa, Amy, also bedroom, kitchen (chichen), downstairs, well, she says just everything. Up to now she said "love you" as "yuv you" but today for the first time, she said the whole three words as clearly as anything. 

The kids were playing with John, & Bekka & I were in the back yard where I pick the ripe "matos" & I got pulling some weeds. So she played in the yard, climbed into some kids chairs (3 high) & sat there & called "Gama". When I'd say what she said so clearly "I yuv you", all three words. Then she got her 'bike' out, asked me to 'help', etc, helped me pick 'matoes, pull weeds, etc. [It] also tickles me when you ask if she wants something, or try to give her something she doesn't want , it's "no, leave it". Well, I'd take too long to write everything she says, she surely makes life fun. Don't know why Lori's kids have all talked so early, but every one of them has, & Bekka talks at least as clearly as any - even says S good. Says, "gog" for dog, but about everything is darn clear, while most kids, including the cousins she's been around, don't say more than a word or two by 2 yrs. Anyway, she was so good, after waking up from nap not feeling up to her usual perky self, & it was a good day altogether. 

The kids were all good, & Nan, who has had quite a bit of trouble w/ teasing, bossing, not minding, was extra good, so I didn't have to get cross w/ her all day. We managed to get through the whole day w/ no major traumas w/ anyone - except Nollie missing her Mom, of course, but that was just sad, not trouble - & even through dinner chores & baths. 

Lori called tonite to let us know they got there safely, so we all felt better, even tho they have car problems. (Me - We tried to jump another car & it killed our battery. Had to have it towed & then rode the bus 65 miles to pick it up after the hike. Ugh!) Took about 2 hrs to get into bed, but we made it OK. Only 14 more days to go. I'll be exhausted, as my little doll wants me to "carry" her most of the time when she's not running, & it takes a lot of energy just to keep up with listening to four kids talking - often all at once - let alone getting meals, cleaning up, etc. But I'm so glad I can be here. Never could have taken even 2 weeks, let alone 3, if I were still working, so I'm especially glad I can settle down & be a wife & grandma instead of at the office all the time - much as I liked it. Just hope Ray gets along OK, for being so generous. 

Heavenly Help

"In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil, and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike - and they will - you remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our protection. They will always be there, these armies of heaven, in defense of Abraham's seed."

I shared this quote by Elder Holland with my Seminary classes

 as part of our study of Elisha in 2 Kings 6.

15 And when the servant of the man of God was risen early, and gone forth, behold, an host compassed the city both with horses and chariots. And his servant said unto him, Alas, my master! how shall we do? 

16 And he answered, Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them. 

17 And Elisha prayed, and said, LORD, I pray thee, open his eyes, that he may see. And the LORD opened the eyes of the young man; and he saw: and, behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha.  

I love Elder Holland's talk, For Times of Trouble, given at BYU in 1980 and found here. He speaks of doubt -- especially self-doubt,-- and discouragement and despair as universal problems. These evils Satan uses cunningly to cause fear as we face our individual challenges.

I highly recommend listening to the audio on YouTube 

 (part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5).

Few tell stories like Elder Holland, and the promise at the end, following the quote above, gives hope and courage. 

I have felt that heavenly help more than once as we have been delivered from impossible situations; when the worry and fear alone were crushing.  I am grateful. 

Heavenly help also comes as tender mercies, undoubtedly more often than we realize. 

Not long after Mom died, Vicky and I left the younger kids with Grandma Rich, while we took the older ones to Lagoon. Upon our return we learned that one of the little ones had fallen backwards off the picnic bench and hit his head on the concrete, but he landed gently, as if he'd been caught. 

She was convinced that our Mom had been there helping tend our kids. 

I believe her. 

Fast forward twenty-plus years and now I'm the grandma with three little ones to tend: Leslie - 4, Henry - 20 months, and Gehrig - 3 weeks. After a couple of hours I'm thinking that things are going better than expected and my mothering skills aren't as rusty as I'd imagined. Gehrig is sleeping longer than usual and the others are playing while I fix dinner. As I stand at the sink the feeling gently settles and I say out loud,

 "I had help". 

Yep. 

There was no answer to my question, "Who was it?", but here's my best guess: 

The smiling grandma in the middle (1984)

Maybe it was Dad. I could always tell he was there at settings apart for the girls and when Rikker was advanced in the priesthood and set apart as a missionary. 

There are few advantages to widowhood, but knowing I could ask that Dad be allowed to go with the child headed far from home was one of them. Heavenly Father, in His infinite goodness, granted those requests. I never worried, knowing Dad was there in London, Australia, Thailand, the Remuda cul-de-sac and the Holy Land.

We now have so much family in heaven that I simply ask that someone be sent. As kids scatter across the globe it probably takes everyone anyway. I suspect from their perspective the veil is thin all the time. I'm grateful that sometimes I get "eyes to see" the armies of heaven that come to our aid. 

The rest of the time, just knowing they are there is enough . 

Mom

Mom 

aka Grandma DeeAnn 

would be 74 today. 

I can't even picture it, since she'll be forever 49 to me. 

Strange, since I'm now five years older than that. 

Breast cancer shortened her life but not our memory of her. 

 Happy Birthday, Mom.

I still miss you and love you. 

I'm glad there's more to life than just this life.

Looking forward to seeing you again.

DeeAnn Rich Nickle

 in September 1985 

born July 25, 1937

died June 20, 1987